Mantra (ray?)

man·tra

[man-truh, mahn-, muhn-]

noun

1.

Hinduism. a word or formula, as from the Veda, chanted or sung as an incantation or prayer.

2.

an often repeated word, formula, or phrase, often a truism: If I hear the “less is more” mantra one more time, I'll scream.

Mantras. 

I like to repeat words, formulas, and phrases in my head.

Too often it is something like, "Shut up. You really aren't as funny as you think."

Positivity would probably be a good thing for me to have.

Things could go more like, "You're cool. Everyone likes you."

(that's not a truism.
tru·ism

[troo-iz-uhm]

noun

a self-evident, obvious truth.)

Probably, though, my mantra will remain unchanged.

We all focus on what we did wrong rather than what we did well.

I don't know why.

It's a problem.

Is it a human problem?

Do golden retrievers have self-esteem issues?

My guess would be no,

but what do I know?

I'm not a golden retriever.

All I know is that I need my identity to be determined

by what I can do rather than what I am incapable of.

I should be praising myself for the fact that I got out of bed, right?

That I even went to all four classes?

That I stayed awake (mostly) for them?

That I'm not failing my classes?

(well, except calculus.

working on that.)

I don't know.

Sorry if this wasn't what you expected from me.

Sorry if you didn't like this. 

I apologize for the lack of poetically phrased insights into

the human condition.

After all, I'm only human.

--Alis

I think I'm human. Correct me if I'm wrong.

I'm human. As far as I know, anyway.
Being human is looking at the potential of something, right?
Seeing beauty in imperfection?
Feeling emotion?
Because that's what I do.

Can robots look at a sheet of lined paper and envision
a child's letter to Santa?
a reassuring note left for a lover in the morning?
an absent doodle in the margin of calculus notes?
I can.

Do robots see
the beauty of the spring's flowers after a hard winter?
the joy in a lopsided smile?
the hesitation before the first "I love you"?
That's what I see.

I don't think robots can feel
the sorrow of a broken heart.
the humiliation of rejection.
the pure happiness in an infant's laugh.
I feel that.

That's why I believe I'm human.
Unless I've completely misinterpreted the meaning of life,
in which case, call me a robot,
because being a robot
doesn't sound all that bad.

--Alis

For the we that was

This is for us.

For the three a.m. fights about

Nothing that mattered

And everything that did.

For the hash browns made out of tater tots

Because you refused to eat tots for breakfast.

For the kiss we tried to have in the rain

When it turned to hail

So we took cover in your car and

Listened to it pound against the roof.

For the conversations at the dinner table

With my parents

About Smashing Pumpkins and Depeche Mode.

For the CD you made me

That I didn't like 

That made me try to educate you musically.

This is for the time I made you watch The Notebook

And, in return, you made me watch I Am Legend.

This is for the tears you wiped from my face

Those days I didn't have a reason for crying

And also the days that I did.
For when you named the constellations for us,
The constellations that didn't notice our existence,
Much less our names for them.
You thought they'd see us.
They didn't.

This is for our love.

Premature.

Short-lived.

A "high school romance" that lasted

For 3 months and 8 days.

You counted them.

You were the optimist.

I didn't think we'd last.

You tried to prove me wrong.

In the end you proved me right.

She said it was my fault.

"You didn't love him enough." She said.

She was probably right. 

"That's why he came to me." She said.

She was probably right.

"You were the one who kept telling him it wasn't going to last." She said.

She was probably right.

I said I loved you.

I still love you.

In the end, we didn't last.

I'm sorry, but

I was right.

i was right.


--Alis

Speaking as a teen,

After reading through all the intros, I had an idea for this. I hope you all like it, being that you're the inspiration.

We are the truth,

Speaking the words others fear.

Possessing power illimitable,

Underutilized.

Living with clarity.

Seeing all.

Feeling acutely

Anger, sorrow, hate.

Joy, ecstasy, love.

We believe in ourselves 

More than in society,

Yet we strive to please it.

Never stopping to sleep

Or even breathe.

Infinitely vital.

Underestimated.

We are the rising generation.

We are the future.

We are your future.

Start believing in us.

--Alis

Who is Alis Priddy?

Alis Priddy is not a real person. She is a figment of my imagination. She is the dark side of me, reminding me that life isn't sunshine, rainbows, and comic relief. She is the part of my brain scoffing at my bad puns. She is the part of me that cries silently, not wanting to be heard for fear of attracting attention. Alis is the Welsh derivation of Adelaide, which, roughly translated, means "noble sort," but she is the one in my head telling me to save myself and worry about everyone else later because damn right they're thinking the same thing.

Despite the fact that Alis is in my head, she is one of the most real parts of me. She is the practical side, the side that tells me when I'm being an idiot (she's very outspoken on this front). She is my emotional center, able to express what I don't even realize I feel. She doesn't care about what I am. She doesn't care that I'm a 17-year-old girl, a high school senior. She doesn't care about my dress size or how long I spend doing my hair. She couldn't care less about what I look like or about my identity in society's terms. She cares about my character. She focuses on who I am and who I will become. She cares about my weaknesses and how I'll turn them into strengths. Alis makes me feel. She is the only thing standing between myself and apathy. For this reason, I will no longer be [insert name here]. 

I will be Alis.

iamthefaceinthemirror

iamthevoiceinmyhead
iamtellingmyself
iaminadequate
iamtellingmyself
iamgoodenough

iamnotpretty

iambeautiful

iamnottrusting

iamtrusted

iamtryingtowaxpoetic
iamnotapoet

iammyownworstenemy

iammyownbestfriend

iamtooemotional

iamnotopenenough

iaminsecure

iamconfident

iambreakingbut

iamnotyetbroken

iamcompletelyunique
iamcompletelyordinary

iamtryingtobeunexpected
iamexpected

iamaproductofsociety

iamdoingwhaticantobemyself
iamnotyetcomplete

iwillbecomemyself
iwillbecomewhoiwanttobe
i

am

alis